It’s all about change

I’ve written quite a bit here about our change of church this past year. That was a huge change in our life, but we have embraced it with faith and gusto and have found a lovely new church home and family at Westminster Presbyterian.

Another change I’ve been dealing with is friendship. Those of you who have been with me for so many years will remember that I had two long time friends, going back to the time of our daughter’s birth, 37 years ago. We had met at our workplace and forged this bond that seemed fail-proof. Here we are, back in the late 90s, at a birthday lunch.

Me Shirley Gail

At Thanksgiving, 2011, one of the three died, and it was up to the remaining two to clean out her home and get the estate ready for the attorney to settle. Then the other friend’s husband got a bad case of shingles and things really changed. All of this within a  few months, and it has never regained its old stability. We hardly ever see each other. The other friend is not on social media, refuses to text and seldom reads her email. Due to her husband’s illness and need for constant attention, she can’t even talk on the phone. I have tried going by their home a few times, but felt thwarted in that they seem to want to remain secluded. 

When we have talked, I get the feeling that she does not want much contact with others and finds it difficult to make plans or to try to go out. I’ve left the ball in her court only to find it lies there for months. I recently sent her an email and got a reply but no other word to my reply, saying “yes, let’s go to lunch. You call me and tell me a good time.”

I miss my friends. The one who has died is gone and is not coming back, but I’m beginning to feel the same about the one who is still living. It is a change that I’m having trouble grasping.

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6 responses to “It’s all about change

  1. so sorry to hear this, we can lose touch with dear friends over time as circumstances change.

  2. It sounds like your friend might be depressed. Of course, until she does something about it all you can do is encourage her and provide support.

    • I too wondered about depression, however, she visits her family in another part of the state, and she does have a friend from long ago who has moved back to town and who seems to be heavily involved in her life. I’m thinking now that it’s just me she has shuffled aside.

  3. I hear you about missing friends who are gone one way or the other. I miss friends that once were like family. 😦

  4. I read something about renouncing friendships that had ended. It suggested treating friends of this sort like ghosts, people gone from your life forever. But letting go is hard, of course.

    • I’m working on the “letting go” part. It appears that she no longer wants to be friends with me, and I need to face that squarely.

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