I’ve written before about my sadness, almost to the point of despair, in the evening. The past few months have seen some improvement. Although still not very vivacious, I’m at least not so sad as the day ends. I grow quieter and there is still no desire to go out late in the day, or to be among people. The feeling of anxiety is not as prevalent but I’m still not feeling scoial.
Terry and I have early dinners, finishing with cleanup shortly after 6 p.m. We watch the news and then a couple of recorded tv shows. That’s about all I can handle, two programs. Then I read until 8:30 or so when I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, within moments of lying down. I am not one of those who cannot get to sleep.
Perhaps sleep is an escape mechanism for me. Perhaps that’s my method of coping with the stress of the day and the inability to end the day on a more positive note. I really would like to be able to have the same positive thoughts and behavior in the evening as I do in the morning. To be upbeat. To feel optimistic. It excites me to have the whole day ahead of me. I cannot feel the same about the night. I feel no excitement. Escape into sleep is my solution.